Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize