I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
