once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
