there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
