On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
