if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
