Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
