I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
