so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
