Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
