what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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