Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
