I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
