forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
