if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
