If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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