I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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