the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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