He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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