i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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