I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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