Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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