We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
