Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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