Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
