I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
