We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
