I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
