Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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