How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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