I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
