i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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