im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize