You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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