Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pants are for mortals
Randomize