I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
