i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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