People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize