i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
