Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize