I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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