New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
