if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
