found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And then he peed in my hair
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