I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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