PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize