he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
