To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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