Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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