Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
