While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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