Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
