If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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