so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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