Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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