I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Porn is love you can see.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
