wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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