if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
