No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
