I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
