Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
