What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize