oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
