and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
